For sale: One absolutely unnecessary amount of horsepower disguised as a practical life decision.

Up for grabs is my manual Dodge Challenger R/T — because real cars don’t text you back, they make you work for it. If you don’t know how to drive stick, don’t worry… this car will teach you. Loudly. In public. Probably at a stoplight.

Finished in a menacing “don’t race me unless you mean it” gray with blacked-out wheels and just enough attitude to make your neighbors slightly uncomfortable. It idles like it’s got something to prove and accelerates like it already did.

Features include:

• A V8 that drinks fuel like it’s emotionally coping

• A manual transmission (anti-theft device for 80% of the population)

• Enough torque to accidentally ruin your day… or someone else’s

• Tinted windows so you can pretend you’re in a music video

• Brakes that are there for legal reasons

Perfect for:

• Midlife crises (early or on schedule)

• Turning gas into noise

• Winning arguments you didn’t start

• Making completely reasonable trips to the grocery store feel like a scene from a movie

Not included:

• Self-control

• Good gas mileage

• The ability to “just drive normal”

Car runs great, shifts smooth, and has never asked me about my feelings.

Buy it before I come to my senses.