For Sale: 2012 BMW 335i – 70k Miles, 650 WHP, Questionable Life Choices Included

For sale is my beautiful white 2012 BMW 335i with just 70,000 miles—and enough power to make your passengers invent excuses for grabbing the door handle.

This is the car that convinced my wife she needed a radar detector because, in her words, "it wasn't my fault I was speeding, the car just wanted to go faster." After driving it myself, I can confirm that the defense has merit.

This is far from your average 335i. There is well over $20,000 invested in performance upgrades, all done with the goal of building a fast, reliable, and ridiculously fun street car.

Upgrades include:

•Big turbo conversion

•Upgraded injectors and coil packs

•Custom downpipe

•Borla muffler and upgraded exhaust

•Twisted Tuning custom tune

•Additional supporting modifications

The result is a very healthy 650 horsepower to the wheels on E45. It pulls like a freight train, sounds incredible, and turns freeway on-ramps into major life events. If you've ever wondered what it feels like to accidentally arrive somewhere much sooner than expected, this car can help answer that question.

Despite the performance, it's been well cared for and recently inspected by Simple Performance, where it received a clean bill of health. The only issue noted was the windshield—which is basically a rite of passage for any vehicle driven on Utah roads. Apparently every loose rock in the state has a personal vendetta against glass.

The car currently runs on a blend of E85 and 91 octane and does not have a catalytic converter. To help ease the transition into ownership, I'll even include roughly 30 gallons of E85 so the car can continue enjoying its preferred diet.

Whether you're looking for a weekend toy, a highway missile, or simply something that makes every drive entertaining, this BMW delivers.

A few notes:

•No, I am not interested in trades for dirt bikes, jet skis, or your cousin's "almost finished" project car.

•No, I will not pay for a VIN report from a random website you've never heard of until yesterday.

•And if your plan is to hand the keys to your 16-year-old so they can "learn about horsepower," I respectfully suggest starting with something that makes less than 650 wheel horsepower.

If you're genuinely interested or have questions, feel free to reach out. Serious buyers only.